Bon Jovi: Vampires vs Vampires

Ok, I have never seen Twilight.  Just like I've never seen any of the Harry Potter movies (You can close your mouth, all saga's ended for me with Star Wars) or Lord of The Rings (although I did see the animated version of 'The Hobbit' in high school).  I don't get the whole thing about Vampires being awesomely sexy.  My thoughts on Vampires include holy water and wooden spike to the heart will kill them.  And silver.  And don't forget the garlic.

So for those of you that have seen these series, here a read for you.

How Would John Carpenter's Vampire Hunters Fare vs. 'Twilight' Vampires?

By Ryan McKee

Posted Jul 9th 2011 12:00PM

John Carpenter, whose new movie 'The Ward' opens this weekend, has been terrifying audiences since the 1970s with such classics as 'Halloween,' 'The Thing' and 'Christine.'

His 1998 film 'Vampires,' though, may have arrived around a decade too early. The current 'Twilight'-inspired vampire craze would likely have shot the film well past its $20 million box office take. While it occurs in a much darker world than Stephenie Meyer's depiction of sparkly vampires, it should still interest Twi-hards.

Why? The 'Vampires' series is about various vampire hunters who track and kill evil bloodsuckers. Edward Cullen and his like-minded "vegetarian" family do much the same thing in the first three installments of 'The Twilight Saga.'

Carpenter and Meyer should think about joining the two series a la 'Alien vs. Predator' or 'Freddy vs. Jason.' Were that to happen, these are the hunters from 'Vampires' -- 'Vampires: Los Muertos' and 'Vampires: The Turning' -- that the Cullens should team with to take down the evil Volturi.

Jack Crow

Played by the delightfully disgruntled James Woods, Jack Crow is lead hunter in the first installment and a hard-nosed veteran of taking down the pale-skins. He's knowledgeable, fearless, an expert tracker, his crossbow skills are sick, and he speaks with a great grumble that makes you want to follow him into the dangerous night. Also, he has a lot of experience decapitating vampires, which is the only way to kill them in the 'Twilight' world.

Anthony Montoya

It is unclear how Daniel Baldwin got cast in a role with an obviously Hispanic name, but the character still makes the All-Star team. Montoya is Crow's best friend and fellow hunter. Spoiler alert! Stop reading if you don't want the ending of 'Vampires' revealed. Anyway, Montoya is turning into a vampire and Crow lets him go, promising to hunt him down later. Maybe he doesn't, though, and Montoya turns into a vegetarian vampire with hunting skills.

Derek Bliss

The leader of a rag-tag group of vampire hunters that travel down to Mexico in 'Vampires: Los Muertos,' Bliss is played by none other than Jon Bon Jovi. The obvious first argument to include him is that it's Jon Bon Jovi and he's awesome to have in a film (as long as he doesn't have to carry the lead). Second, the man has skills fighting vampires in the daytime because he meets a powerful day-walker named Una south of the border.

Zoey

Natasha Gregson Wagner plays a vampiress who has found a treatment for her affliction. This allows her to walk among humans during the day, and she joins Derek Bliss's team of hunters. She's already onboard with the vampire-on-vampire violence, and if 'The Twilight Saga: Eclipse' taught us anything, it really helps to have vampires to fight vampires.

Conner

An American tourist on vacation in Thailand, Connor (Colin Egglesfield) becomes the hero of 'Vampires: The Turning' when vampires kidnap his wife, Amanda. It is unclear whether John Carpenter had anything to do with this sequel, especially since it's more of a martial arts / horror film. Despite that, the movie is part of the series and it helps to have an expert in Muay Thai, which Conner is, on the team. After all, he goes from knowing nothing about vampires to beating them within 24 hours. Just think what he could do with some experience under his black belt.